Over the years and at various youth minister/preacher meetings I have heard many wives say emphatically, “They hired him, not me!” Every time I hear this I cringe a little. I don’t understand it. I know that my name is on the paycheck and yes, officially I was hired as the youth minister, but there is no doubt that Kaycee is a vital part of the work I do.
I have had Kaycee by my side for five and a half years and it has been nothing but a blessing. She has helped me many times, been an encouragement to me, and been there for the kids in our youth group. I have jokingly said that she has got me the jobs I have had, but I can honestly say that I would not have been able to accomplish what I have as a minister had it not been for her.
I am sure that those who say “they hired him, not me” are very supportive of their husbands in their ministry, but I am thankful that my wife is very vocal in her support. I have heard of many wives who have taken a step back in their involvement after their children were born and I am sure that will happen with us as well, but Kaycee has already let me know that even when we have our own family to take care of, she will still be my biggest supporter.
Here are some things I have learned over the past few years that I would like to share.
So, to those who say “they hired him, not me,” consider how that sounds. I know that it means that you shouldn’t be expected to do certain things simply because you are married to the minister, but please consider a different approach to making that statement. Meet with the eldership and let them know what you are willing and not willing to do, but please, please, please, don’t ever say “they hired him, not me” again.
Dear Kaycee, thank you for being by my side these last five and a half years. Thank you for being my biggest fan and for helping me through the roughest patch of ministry I will probably ever face. Thank you for being there for the girls in our youth group and being for them what I can’t be. Thank you for listening and for telling me when I have a really bad idea. Thank you for loving me when I am grumpy. Thank you for understanding when I can’t tell you everything. Thank you for being willing to pack our house on a week’s notice and move to Florida. Thank you for holding me after that meeting. Thank you for being with me through everything. I am thankful for you. I love you. ~Steven
I have had Kaycee by my side for five and a half years and it has been nothing but a blessing. She has helped me many times, been an encouragement to me, and been there for the kids in our youth group. I have jokingly said that she has got me the jobs I have had, but I can honestly say that I would not have been able to accomplish what I have as a minister had it not been for her.
I am sure that those who say “they hired him, not me” are very supportive of their husbands in their ministry, but I am thankful that my wife is very vocal in her support. I have heard of many wives who have taken a step back in their involvement after their children were born and I am sure that will happen with us as well, but Kaycee has already let me know that even when we have our own family to take care of, she will still be my biggest supporter.
Here are some things I have learned over the past few years that I would like to share.
- Wives, support your husbands. Be his biggest fan and encourager. He needs that. There are days when he comes home from the office and nothing has gone right. He has received a phone call that wrecked his day, more people have backed out of the greatest thing he has ever planned, he doesn’t know how to handle the situation that has just arisen, and he needs someone to listen and to pray with and for him. There aren’t many people, if anyone, within the congregation that he can be open with about everything going on. He needs you. Your name may not be on the paycheck, or on the sign in front of the building, but you are a team. Understand that there will be times when you will know there is something wrong but due to the nature of the problem, he might not be able to talk about it. He is not in the Secret Service, but there are some things that must still be kept confidential. He may just need a shoulder to cry on, but he needs you.
- Husbands, your wife loves you. Let her know it as often as you can. Text her, call her, write on her Facebook Wall, Tweet her, however you do it, make sure she knows that you love her and that she is number one to you on this earth. Don’t let your work come between you and your wife. She wants to be your biggest supporter and fan but can only do so if you allow her to be. Share as many of your struggles with her as you can. She will likely be able to help you through it. She will be your shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to whatever you have going on. You need her. Don’t exclude her. Make sure she knows how much you need her and value her input and opinion. There is a reason that many elderships want to hire a married man. The young girls need someone to confide in and your wife will be that for many of them. You need her. Make sure she knows it.
So, to those who say “they hired him, not me,” consider how that sounds. I know that it means that you shouldn’t be expected to do certain things simply because you are married to the minister, but please consider a different approach to making that statement. Meet with the eldership and let them know what you are willing and not willing to do, but please, please, please, don’t ever say “they hired him, not me” again.
Dear Kaycee, thank you for being by my side these last five and a half years. Thank you for being my biggest fan and for helping me through the roughest patch of ministry I will probably ever face. Thank you for being there for the girls in our youth group and being for them what I can’t be. Thank you for listening and for telling me when I have a really bad idea. Thank you for loving me when I am grumpy. Thank you for understanding when I can’t tell you everything. Thank you for being willing to pack our house on a week’s notice and move to Florida. Thank you for holding me after that meeting. Thank you for being with me through everything. I am thankful for you. I love you. ~Steven